Never play pool with James and Victoria
by jewelsbyers
Summary: James, Victoria and Laurent go out to a bar to hunt and end up playing pool... and Laurent's coven mates teach him a slightly nauseating lesson - all's fair in love and a game of pool.


_**A/N: **__As with most of my stories, don't ask where this came from. It is just a product of my over active imagination and my obsession with James and Victoria. This one shot is told from Laurent's POV and is rated T for language and sexual content – no actual sex though. If you want to know what it's about then have a look at the title. As always, I own nothing _Twilight_. _Twilight _freaking owns me!_

**Why you should never play pool with James and Victoria  
**

The bar was smoky, overcrowded and filled with the tantalizing scents of dozens of humans out for the night. The majority of humans here tonight were men, the large, brawny type who believed that they were invincible and could take what they pleased. While I would never say it, I would privately admit to enjoying hunting those kind of men, it was entertaining to see them size me up and decide that I was easy pickings. They always learned too late that they were wrong.

While I could find it in myself to enjoy a hunt, on the odd occasion, it was difficult to do so with James and Victoria in tow or, more accurately, being _towed _by James and Victoria. I enjoyed a drink at the end of a hunt and wasn't interested in slow torture of a victim. James and Victoria were sadistic, loved slow torture and hunted for the sake of hunting; drinking was optional.

But there were enough humans tonight for us to have one each if we so desired, so I wouldn't have to tag along with James' and Victoria's sick games.

So, that was two positives tonight.

Positive One: There were plenty of humans for me to pick and choose for tonight's hunt.

Positive Two: I don't have to hunt with James and Victoria.

A third positive went through my mind as Victoria entered the bar with James just behind her and every human male in the vicinity leered at her.

Positive Three: I can't see the minds of crass human males.

There were probably a few more positives, but my uncle always used to say that a positive must be balanced out by a negative for everything to keep working. With everything that had happened to me since 1789, I couldn't help but agree with my long dead uncle. So, for the reason that my evening was going to have to be 'balanced out' at some point, I decided that an evening with three positives and three negatives would be more than sufficient. As long as the negative didn't involve James, Victoria or the both of them together, then I'd probably seen worse.

I was scouring the room for a suitable victim for tonight's hunt when I heard James and Victoria having a conversation. In fact, to be quite honest, they were mid-way through a conversation. I just hadn't heard the first part because I hadn't been paying attention.

"...together when we could be out hunting?" James asked his red haired mate, who was perched on his lap and Victoria sighed "Because it will be fun! We never have fun anymore, James!"

"I could fix that, you know" he purred in her ear and I shuddered and tuned out again, they weren't talking about hunting, so it didn't interest me.

A minute later the pair stood up, James saying something to Victoria which made her purr and he turned to me "Pool, Laurent?"

I stared for a moment, unable to imagine James and Victoria doing something as ordinary as playing pool. I weighed up the risks of playing pool with a mated couple and decided that a game of pool was fairly harmless. If they became intimate over the pool table... well, I would take that as my cue to leave. If the rest of the bar wanted to survive the night they would leave too.

I nodded and walked over to where Victoria was setting up the balls in the triangle. She already had a cue and James took another and offered me a third which I took with a nod of thanks. When Victoria was satisfied that the balls were in the right places in the triangle she stood back and allowed James to break.

Perhaps that was a mistake on Victoria's part, particularly if she wanted to win and I'd known Victoria long enough to know that she hated to lose. James sunk three balls quite neatly and then grinned up at his mate "What was the agreement again, my dear?"

"Two out of three!" she said "And you haven't sunk all the balls yet, _Lord Witherdale_!"

"Well, you haven't sunk any, _serving girl_!" James teased her back and Victoria glared "Watch me"

I had to admit, she was a fairly vicious player, or, she _acted_ vicious, the effectiveness of her viciousness left something to be desired. She sunk two balls and grumbled about being 'luckless' and James grinned wickedly and went to take another shot. Of course, it should have been my turn but something told me to stay out of this one, so I did. I let James and Victoria play their game, but stood with them, simply because if I looked too much like a drifter I would attract attention and vampires should avoid attention in crowded venues.

As James lined up the cue ball and then looked up to take his shot Victoria bent forward. Now, Victoria had a tendency to wear t-shirts with rather low necklines, she never showed anything off, but bending forward...

James looked up, got an eyeful of cleavage and missed the cue ball by a mile.

"You little minx" he said and Victoria grinned "All's fair in love and war, Jimmy" and went to take her shot, shifting her upper body to make sure her cleavage stayed on display. James growled softly at being called 'Jimmy' and watched Victoria sink three balls.

"I believe the score is currently five-three in my favour" Victoria crooned seductively to her mate and I felt slightly nauseated, if it's possible for a vampire to feel nauseated. I should leave, but that would look suspicious... damn me for joining this coven! In my defence, it seemed like a bloody good idea at the time!

James shook his head "For now, _Vicki_" and he quickly sunk five of the remaining eight balls while Victoria made a face at the hated nickname. To be completely accurate, James only sunk four balls, the fifth found its way into a pocket when he 'accidently' knocked the table.

"Hey! No fair!" Victoria whined and James raised an eyebrow "Take your shot, sweetheart"

Victoria kept one eye on James and one eye on the shot she was attempting, she wanted to end the game and sink the black.

She had it perfectly lined up and had begun to take her shot when James put some of his weight on the table. The table didn't move far, so none of the humans noticed, but it was far enough that Victoria missed her shot.

"Just wait until I get my hands on you!" she hissed as James lined up to take the same shot she'd been about to make. He was slightly smarter than she was and he made sure that, if the table moved in any direction, he would still be able to pocket the ball and win the game.

Victoria smirked and moved to stand beside her mate, her hand shifting a little while James did a final check on his shot. Victoria's hand moved down, down down...

James made an odd noise, somewhere between a grunt, a yelp and a snarl, as Victoria's hand gently squeezed the crutch of his jeans. Needless to say, his shot went wide.

Victoria fluttered her eye lashes innocently while James glared bloody murder at her and then licked his lips, his eyes lighting up "Game on then, bitch" he whispered to her and I tried to think up a suitable argument to leave. Once profanities started being used, an all out war would begin. I had no desire to even stand and watch while a James and Victoria style all out war began.

I could think of no suitable argument which would save me as the war for the black ball began.

Nothing was out of bounds. No words, no innuendos, no old memories... I was in for a long night.

After about three turns, Victoria managed to sink the black ball, despite James rubbing his hand along her backside and whispering about things they'd done that I would have died happy not knowing.

Mid way through their second game, Victoria caught James in a very passionate kiss just before his turn and then broke it off very suddenly and spun him back to face the table. He hit the cue ball and knocked one coloured ball across the table, but was so dazed by the kiss that he sunk nothing. He took his revenge on Victoria by mercilessly tickling her sides as she went in to line up a shot. He tormented her until she sank to the floor and forfeited her turn.

Victoria, despite being forced to forfeit on turn, managed to win the second game after she gave James a not go gentle smack as he bent over to send the remaining two balls into pockets. He sunk the cue ball when he jumped, ending the game and having to declare Victoria the winner.

The third game began viciously with James reminding Victoria of something by saying to her "Damn, fuck me girl!" in a low voice while she went to break the balls and she jumped, would have blushed if she was human and knocked several balls off the pool table and James, smirking, picked them up, set them up in the triangle and broke them before Victoria could do anything to break his focus.

The game continued with each using every dirty trick they could think of to cause the other one to lose focus. It was rather disgusting.

Then _it_ occurred.

_It_ was James grabbing the cue ball as Victoria took a shot. She obviously missed the cue ball and hit the striped ball and James laughed "Can't hit a ball without first hitting the cue, _Vicki_, which means I win, hence I have won two out of three, hence you have to answer to me for a week"

I shuddered, so that's what James had meant when he'd asked earlier about the 'arrangement'. He grinned wickedly up at Victoria and then saw her face. I'd already seen it and had retreated a safe distance from the blow up that was about to occur. Victoria was not happy about _it_.

James ran. Victoria ran after him. Far out of the range of human ears I heard a loud crash and a ferocious scream of a snarl "You cheat! You cheat! I never did anything like that to you!" and then James' loud "You _bit_ me! You _bit _me! Gods above woman, you _bit _me!"

I ignored their tussle; the humans couldn't hear it and they would hunt soon anyway. Speaking of hunting, I was rather thirsty and there was a bar full of potential victims all just calling out to be drunk...

* * *

An hour and a half later as I cleaned up from my kill I reflected on my three positives and tried to find the three negatives they'd been balanced out by.

Negative One: Agreeing to watch James' and Victoria's pool game.

Negative Two: Not leaving James' and Victoria's pool game earlier.

Negative Three: Seeing and hearing and realizing things about James and Victoria that I just _didn't _want to know.

In fact, perhaps there hadn't been three _separate _negatives. Perhaps there had just been one, almighty negative. The negative to balance all positives.

Perhaps the negative was learning why you should never play pool with James and Victoria.

_**A/N: **__Before you ask, I have never actually played pool before, so I had to base the pool game off what I know from watching TV and seeing friends and family play. As always, I love reviews, they make me smile and dance (no, literally, I do a little dance when I get a review!) so review and you could very well make my day._


End file.
